Progress...oh, wait...no

I was really hoping that my next post would be an uplifting one, telling of how I overcame my fears and anxiety and how much I love it here.
Alas.
I'm still unhappy and lost. It's one of those sadnesses that won't break, the kind that sort of move in and refuse to declare a date of departure. I miss laughing, smiling, knowing somewhere in my heart that I'll be me again. I can't find anything to distract me from my thoughts long enough to make any progress. I just feel trapped. I'm so sad that I'm not happy. I wanted this so much, this school, this city, this life. But it's not what it seemed to be. I do love New York, but maybe just for weekends. It's too much to handle 24/7. I want some quiet. I want some peace. I want a distraction that won't empty my wallet or fill me with anxiety.
Fortunately, Jon is coming to visit this weekend. That will be my distraction, that will get me through until classes. I want to go home so badly, but I know I wouldn't have it in me to come back if I did. So I'm stuck here. I hate that that's how it seems to me.