laramie

i was going to watch the debate. i was going to ridicule our president while ignoring my homework. i was going to laugh.
i ended up crying, crying harder than i have in ages. instead of the debate, i stumbled upon the laramie project on hbo, and couldn't draw myself away. the combination of the piece itself, the story, the words, the power of it, and all the memories of our production - it was an overwhelming rush of emotions, unlike anything i've felt in quite some time. maybe it was because i knew what was coming, maybe because i had a sense of the story as a whole, but as i was faced with the trial again, the homecoming parade, fred phelps, angel action, AIDS, the land, the people ... i couldn't hold the tears back. once they were out, i couldn't stop them. i was crying over jonas slonaker's words that no change had come from it, and then i was crying because i missed kevin and his fringy coat. i cried because of the homecoming parade's tag, and then i was crying because i missed anthony and danny doing the ninja. i cried for the pain and strength of romaine and her angels, and then i cried some more because i miss that speech, i miss the power and emotion i felt when i spoke those words. i miss the stage, i miss the jokes, i miss the energy on opening night, i miss the constant stream of laughter and tears, the fact that it was hardly acting when you got up on stage and started to cry. i miss the constant reminder that all is not right in the world, and that we can't be passive if we want it to change. we can't be content to sit and rest until hate is no longer in this world.

"my first thought was, 'thank god i got to see this in my life'. and my second thought was, 'thank you, matthew'."

thank you, matthew.