ah. so this is how it feels . . .

oh, right, there's the sentimentality . . .
for the past few months, i've been oh-so ready to get out, to graduate, to get to new york and start fresh. that longing for senior year to go on forever never really showed up. well, it hasn't appeared quite so strongly, but i do finally feel that pang of loving things around here and wishing i didn't have to say goodbye to them just yet. last night at the off the beat show, they had a tribute to their seniors, and i suddenly felt that moment of "oh my god, this is the last time i'll be doing this". i'm suddenly aware of the fact that i only have a month left of classes, one month of definite time with the people i spend almost all of my time with. only three more performances with laurelei (though there are still plenty of rehearsals left . . .). only a handful of dance rehearsals. and, most painful to accept, only one more month of players. one more hell week. three more curtains. one last cry. (well, there will be a lot of cries, but only one more of that huge final cry at strike.)
i've been comforting all those around me who were not quite so ready to break free by saying how much time we still had. "we still have eight months!" turns out we only have five til we're gone, and only about two til we could potentially never see each other again.
so there you go. i finally get it. i'm finally hesitant about turning the page and starting the new chapter of life.