post play depression

i'm in my usual state of post show depression.
everytime i sign that wall a little piece of me dies. everytime vR and Smith force me off the darkened stage, i feel my heart break. and knowing that i only have one left is killing me. i was looking around the green room last night as i stood up on my chair, and i saw my name in so many places, and i saw the names of those who have inspired me so much, and i realized fully how much of myself i have put into players. my heart and soul have been given away to the rec. players is my true love.
the show was amazing. yes, there were gremlins, but we overcame them. we really put on an incredible production. we had to turn people away on friday because it was so packed. people are finally getting it - they want to have a piece of the magic of players in their lives.
the board sleepover was fun, as usual (and efficient!). and the lack of sleep didn't seem to matter much as we wander through target with our boobahs and condoms.
then came the awards ceremony. since my first show, i've dreamed of the moment when i would get my pin. the fantasy is pretty dull in comparison to the reality. everyone knows how much i love players, how much i care - but having it put into words, into emotions by mr vR ... i just can't explain how much it means to me that i've been allowed to give myself to this group. and i (along with brian) got the macguyver ... i never thought i'd be recognized for that. i just didn't think anyone cared about what i do when i'm at set. maybe that'll be incentive for more ladies to join me at crew.
the unofficial cast party was fun - for a while. it was so nice to spend time with everyone for one last night. we always say how much we wish we were friends outside of players, but it never happens. maybe this time . . . the night ended up going downhill for me (i have a feeling that the alcohol in my system didn't help my emotional train wreck), but in the long run, i guess that's not really important.
so that's my tiny attempt at explaining the past few days. i want players to last forever. and i guess it will - i may not be there twice a day, i may not be the one leading the moxy cheers, i may not be the one crying on the empty stage at the end, but somewhere within myself, i'll always be there. i'll always be at the rec. i'll always be a player. my name will always be on those walls (even after they paint over them for the next generation). the walls will whisper my name, they'll whisper my stories. they will allow the legend we've begun to live on forever.
thank you to all players, new and old, for creating a place where i can always be home.