some sentimentality

so i'm surviving. jeff got me to focus on the 'buts' - as in, "this really hurts, BUT i have friends who love me no matter what", and so on. and i can mostly keep this optimism thing up. and i think most of it is thanks to the sudden burst of xmas carols on the radio. it's easier to get through tough times when christmas cheer is in the air - it's just a warmer, more joyous time than anything else i could find to save me right now. so i'm singing along with bing crosby and thinking about snow and hot chocolate.
and turkey.

so tonight, i was on the student panel for eighth grade "move up night". we talked about our experiences in upper school, trying to give them a sense of what they're getting into. sitting there, listening to these girls talk about the past four years, i was overcome with so much sentimentality, i didn't know what hit me. i'm so lucky to be surrounded by amazing people everyday of my life - i've come to take it for granted. i have faculty who should be off in the world being celebrated as masters of their craft but stay here to spread their wealth of knowledge in hopes that the spark will reach us. i have classmates who have made extraordinary changes to not only our small community but to the world. i can't begin to express how amazing the experience of springside has been for me, how much it has shaped me. here come the mixed emotions about leaving . . .

as i spouted my lengthy extracurricular list, i wound up delivering a monologue on players. i am so heartbroken everytime i think about the few weeks left until my second to last opening night, my second to last debra, second to last gremlins. second to last strike. the next strike will be my last one, and the tears i have shed on every empty stage for the past three years will be droplets in comparison to the ocean i will weep that day. i'm not ready to leave the rec. i'm not ready to sign the "kyle wall", listing the eight shows i've devoted my body and soul to. i'm not ready to stop giving 'em hell.